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For many moms, having a child in Mexico makes them feel like they belong. For others, it has emphasized their relative privilege. They all say motherhood changes how they see themselves and their adopted home. Passers-by tell you your baby is cold when you go for a stroll on a warm sunny day; mothers-in-law go into shock when you refuse to give in to your screaming toddler's every whim; and perfect strangers congratulate you for improving the nation's bloodlines. There are the exorbitant prices for baby accessories available cheaply back home; the common disregard for car seats; and the notion that Coca-Cola cures all ills. These are just some of the cultural surprises reported by expat mothers in Mexico. If a mom and her kids remain here they'll also face big differences in schooling and dating, on top of all the normal complications of growing up.

Image:Grace Navarro

Cindy Hawes used to rock her baby’s chair while she sat at a typewriter.

In a patriarchal -- many might say macho -- society such as Mexico's, being a mother means living one of the culture's most enduring contradictions. You don't need to have seen Libertad Lamarque's famous soap-opera portrayals of the long-suffering mother, or wondered about the use of the word madre in phrases like "me vale madre" ("I don't give a damn"), to realize as much. For women who come to Mexico from cultures with different gender roles, motherhood -- while different for every individual --offers a glimpse into these contradictions, and maybe even into this nation's heart.

"People don't look at you as much anymore as a foreigner," says new mother, Marion Lloyd, who's taking a break from her job as a correspondent for The Houston Chronicle and a 14-year career in the newspaper business to look after 6-month-old Aitana. "Suddenly you are sort of part of this cosmic club of mothers; you have this commonality with half of the Mexican population."

For that half of the population, the role of motherhood has often been defined narrowly. A mother who has a job is supposed to help out the family financially, not contribute to her own independence, says Celia Ruiz, a psychologist who has treated women for decades. "A mother is a mother, someone who has children," she explains. "Having her own activities, getting an education, going out to work, whatever it is, none of this is included in the term ‘mother.'"

Dr. Ruiz lives just a few blocks away from Mexico City's Monument to the Mother, and the old-fashioned park behind it with its cement benches and low curving walls painted in beachball colors. The monument itself sets in stone the way Mexican mothers have always been idealized -- and inhibited.

The monument features a woman gazing downward at the baby she holds in her arms. On either side are statues of kneeling men, one holding a sheaf of corn representing the sphere of production, and the other a book representing the sphere of knowledge. "Both of these spheres are held away from the woman in the center, because it is her destiny to be a mother," writes Lisa Davies of Cardiff University in an article on Rosario Castellanos, the most famous Mexican critic of the status of women. While there may be the impression of male reverence, the message to women is that the most important and valued work they can do is to have babies and not threaten the dominant order.

 

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